1973 Ford Caddillac Scorpion DCE. Shes one of a kind. This is the girl your Daddy warned you about.

Dear Doris,

I am the proud owner of a 1973 Ford Caddillac Scorpion DCE (Dual Cab Emission). Recently I have been having issues with moving it from 1st to 3rd gear. It makes an extremely loud clicking noise that unfortunately ruptured my 4 yeard old son’s ear drums which according to the doctor will make him both deaf and impotent for the rest of his life.

I’ve tried new spark plugs and engine parts but the sound still remains which lead to the death of my newborn daughter. My wife has left me. She thinks I love my car more than my children.

How do I fix my stick shift? I really want to take this baby out on the town. Chicks dig Caddy’s.

-Stick Shift Stewart

Redding, CA

Shes got an engine running multiple cams at high outputs. AKA She rides fast.

Stick Shift Stewart,

It sounds like you may need a new stick shift. I don’t know why you looked at the engine and spark plugs as they have nothing to do with the stick shift.

Caddillac no longer makes stickies for that model (what a sweet model she is) but you can find parts on the internet.

This should get your car back up and running just in time for the fall foliage.

Happy Hunting,


Here’s one more of her in park. She even rides fast in P. Love this car. Thanks for submitting the photos.



  • Doris Montgomery

    not many caddys sweet than this girl

  • Donnytilla

    Wow this was beautiful I could feel your passion for your subject

    • Doris Montgomery

      i dream of this car when i dream

  • Cooolin

    Really essential content here, glad we’re making content for THE PEOPLE

  • Blochead4real

    I’m from the same town as Stick Shift Stewart and sometimes I’ll see this baby parked around town. And it’s always going 150 while standing still. I mean if you saw this baby you’d know why Stewart keeps her after the death of his kid.

    • Doris Montgomery

      damn. try and get a photo next time you see her. would love to see her.

      • Doris Montgomery

        maybe from the bushes tho so you dont scare her

  • theyachtmaster

    DCE actually stands for “Dual Carbon Emission,” which in Real America is a selling point as it is seen as domination over the environment by emitting twice as much pollution as is necessary.

    • Doris Montgomery

      double the pollution double the power tho right?