This is one of my favorite Ford’s. The Ford Caddillac.

First developed in 1940’s Communist Detroit the 1993 Ford Caddillac is a modern masterpiece of American Labor. Everything from body, to inside to wheels to the engine parts of this machine are revolutionary.

“The Ford Caddillac is a modern masterpiece of American Labor”

-Henry T. Ford

 

The curves on the body of this car remind you of a supple overweight middle aged white man laying shirtless on his back at the beach. It’s sexual. You want to get inside this car. You want to control it. The pleasure as soon as your foot hits the gas pedal and you take this baby to 60 in less than 30 seconds is ineffable. The rise in your Lee Straight Leg Fit jeans taskes you back to grade school. Primal sexual drive. It’s not just the body that conjures erections.

The engine is a 6.5 Diesel Hemi hybrid made of carbon fiber rods. These rods are pumping pure power to the wheels. The wheels spin so fast on this car. Each pump of the rod puts 1.6 horsepower into the machine. Lamborghinnis only get about .8 HP pure rod pump. This car drives fast and is loud.

The speaker system on the 1993 Ford Caddillac is unmatched in pure sound and wattage. The Ford Caddillac comes equipped with two speakers. One on the driver side door and one in the trunk. The rattle in your trunk can be heard many yard away. This car is a must for music heads and seat belt enthusiasts.

The Caddillac has 16 seatbelts.

Per seat.

Safety and design set this car apart from the lackluster field of competitors. Its truly one of a kind and belongs in any car collectors garage. Now quit reading and go drive one!!!

You’ll be seeing a lot of this when I’m dusting your ass on the freeway.
  • blochead4real

    America truly dropped the ball on this classic. Why it’s not in the collective national memory along with the 57 Chevy, 1968 Mustang GT500 King of the Road, and the Dodge Durango is beyond me.

  • Padfoot

    Fuck. My Subaru only has one seatbelt per seat.

    • dorismontgomery

      This will reflect poorly in your review.