My beloved Tove Lo just released a song called “Disco Tits.”
Okay, if Ke$ha circa-2010 released a song called “Disco Tits,” it would be a stupid musical glitter-bomb with ridiculous lyrics, but at least it’d be playful and fun. She could have made PG-13 jokes about touching guys’ “disco balls.” Delightful! Instead, here we have Tove Lo trying desperately and sincerely (reminder: this song is called “Disco Tits”) to be an object of sexual desire. She ends up about as seductive as a boiled hot dog.
Just check out this chorus and try not to get hot and bothered:
“I’m sweatin’ from head to toe
I’m wet through all my clothes
I’m fully charged, nipples are hard
Ready to go.”
“You can follow my bloodstream
No, I don’t have a type”
Okay, good blood pun there. Credit where credit’s due. Also don’t forget to donate to your local blood bank.
“I’m ’bout to get down, I’m high as fuck
I’m no chemist, but it’s good shit”
Tove talks about being “high as fuck” like an undergrad who just had their first weed brownie. Which, c’mon Tove, your most iconic line is about binging on Twinkies and vomiting into a bathtub. Don’t try and be coy.
Real talk though, this is a genuine bummer because 2014 Queen Of The Clouds is still one of the best pop albums of the last five years. But this dog don’t hunt. And this song don’t bop.