Hello likely candidate,
>Are you a rosy cheeked, unsuspecting graduate fresh baked and crispy from the clutches of text book purgatory?
>Do you enjoy picking at people’s scabs?
>Can you bench press a French press?
>How are you at mixing dry martini’s (Strict one olive only rule)?
>Can you rapidly dig a hole of approx. 6 ft deep?

If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions fuck off and apply to a different company.

PANTSUIT is on the prowl for an Earthling slave- er- intern– who can bow down to her Queenly demands while keeping the Overlord Doris satisfied and thoroughly moisturized- she’s got sparse patches of eczema.

Serious inquiries only.

You must be physically fit and willing to risk your life and social standing for this role.

Please send detailed resumes (and head shots ) to Don at HR


– With the overflow of recent resumes, applicants may be subject to Gladiator Games. Funeral Rites will be given to losers and their bodies will be set on fire and sent out to burn at sea-

  • lobster man

    Also, if you have any connections at Sony Music, WB, or any of the major record companies that’s a plus. And if you know anyone at Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, or Entertainment Weekly that can help us get our feet in the door, that will only help you

    • Doris Montgomery

      or any connections at DQ

  • Cooolin

    It’s not everyday you get the opportunity to moisturize Doris.

  • Doris Montgomery


  • Blochead4real

    I would apply. But Doris won’t let me

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