“In fair Los Angeles, where we lay our scene. From ancient boy band break up to new badboy bandery. Where chill looks makes sick vibes sicker. From forth the fatal loins of Logan Paul, a quintet of fresh faced boys give their life, for pop. Bury their forbearers’ strife. The joyous passage of their birth marked love, and the continuance of haters rage, which but the boys not could remove, is the hot single of our stage.” – Jake Paul.

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Once in a generation comes a band of boys, our boys, who move our hearts and souls and fuckin just like open our eyes to a whole new world. Like morpheus. For our teenage generation, these boys are Why Don’t We. My boys. Our boys. The boys. Chill boys with sick AF clothes, like the long shirts that come up a bit on the sides. fuck-in SICK, bro.

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As teens, our lives are a crazy mix of hormones, school, sneakin’ beers, cruisin’ in a little honda, and pullin’ babes (if we don’t have too much homework, lmao). Our time is limited, and this is the greatest and most important time in our lives. It’s downhill from here, and in 10 short years we’ll be in our mid 20s, maybe our 30’s, and basically dead, at least inside. It’s fuckin lit.

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When I’m old and basically dead I hope my teens have other teens as half as sick as my boys in Why Don’t We to look up to and stand next to as bros, united in chill. We hope that as you learn about the boys, you learn a little about yourself, and about what makes you such a chill, sick, and uniquely tight teen. One.

Dan “Workhorse” Theman

Acoustic god. Vocal prince. You want the job done? You call Dan, baby. Workhorse. The backbone. Guy Patternson. Bruce ‘steen. Dan works a shift down at the mill, gets his girlfriend pregnant, gets a union card, goes out for a pack of smokes and never goes back. Blue collar. Gold chords. Don’t fuck with him, but he’ll understand your troubles if you do and he’ll probably buy you a beer and make sure you get home safe.

Spirit Boy Band Member = Brian (obvs)

Favourite of following Blocland Staff: Doris, Don, Cooolin, raptor jesus

Jack “Zayn” Avery

Bad boy. He’s got the loud. Stole ur mom’s vodka, and ur girl. Guess what, nerd? Nothin you can do about it. Cuz he’s Jack and he’s cool as F, and you want to be him.

Professionally? Yea, he coasts off his attitude. Guess what – too fuckin bad bro, cuz he’s too fuckin’ bad bro, lol. Fuk out his face.

Spirit Boy Band Member = Zayn, AJ

Favourite of following Blocland Staff: Doris, Lobster (“the mysterious one” “like a young Shawn Mendes”), raptor jesus, Don (kinda)

Jonah Marais

Jonah is a member of the group.

Spirit Boy Band Member: Lemon = “Joey Fatone” / Lobster = “the Ringo” / Uncle Don = “Kevin”

Favourite of the following Blocland Staff: Doris, Don

Corbyn Besson

“Alright, Jack’s got the bad-boy game on lock. But personalities have gotta balance for this boy band thing to work. So Corbyn (aka “Mr. Chill”) comes to the rescue a cool swagger that reads, “Ya’ll have fun bein’ cray cray tonight, but I’m just gonna hang loose at home with my big fluffy dog, some classy foreign film, and a nice babe.” And if you can take your eyes off Jack for one goddamn second, fellow Corbynites, that babe could be YOU.

It’s undeniable that Corbyn’s clearly the soul of WDW. By the end of the legendary video for “Something Different,” who’s chillin’ in the center of the couch, bringing the boys together? It’s Corbyn. Creating a beautiful, timeless moment for us to treasure. We don’t know the next chapter of the WDW story, but no matter what happens, Corbyn will always be my hero.” – Cooolin

Spirit Boy Band Member: JT, Harry

Favourite of the following Blocland Staff: Cooolin, Bloc, Lemon, Uncle Don

Zach

Like Jonah, Zach is a member of the band. Nice kid. Likes to lick his lips. Got a good set of pipes, little gravel in there, in a good way. Plastic overall but he’s got a good heart and a clear conscience which is more than you can say for Jack, who is probably going to do smack.

Spirit Boy Band Member: Lance, the entire group 5ive

Favourite of the following Blocland Staff: Glenf, but he dead

 

This is a cry for help.

One.

– Uncle Don (pilot)

  • raptor jesus

    “This is a cry for help.”

    For the love of god Why Don’t We! Grant don an interview!!!

  • Doris Montgomery

    Jonah a fav? Fuck outta here

  • lobster man

    Corbin looks like Jeffrey Dahmer. Or a gecko or something.

    • Cooolin

      You sicken me.

    • Doris Montgomery

      he is by far the worst of the worst

      • Doris Montgomery

        sewage of the most foul degree

        • lobster man

          It’s a sickness and wraith that only a heathen like himself can bring every where he goes.

  • Cooolin

    Does Jonah have a little ‘stache in that second pic? Git him outta here.

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