Here at Blocland, crustaceans are a commodity. Our salary doesn’t only consist of shrimp, we also bribe and bargain with these delicious little arthropods.

But what exactly is it that make these creatures so unique? PANTSUIT, the Anthropologist, is here to give you eager learners a brief history lesson.

-Let us begin!-

Traveling back, five hundred million years along Earth’s phylogenetic tree, the first ever invertebrate came into being:

The Trilobite

These alien-esque sons of a bitches are the earliest known relative to man. This group of invertebrate are to which modern day spiders and crustaceans belong.

 

Moving on, through space and time, let us meet another member of the Cambrian arthropod family.

Sanctacaris

Ah, yes. We’ve inched closer toward direct relatives of scorpions. Note the many pairs of jointed appendages along with a boney exoskeleton. These traits are similar to the armored plating of Pandalus Borealisalso known as Pink Shrimp. Ya know, the ones that come frozen and bagged at the local grocery store.

DEE-LICIOUS

 

 

Thirdly, we have Pepino Rodrigo Serrano Gonzales

The most under appreciated member of the Muppets.

He wears a God-dang gold chain for catwalk’s sake- and that silken turtle neck-

Pepe is on FIRE!

 

Look at him, counting cards at the black jack table.

Status: True Playa’.

Are those Gucci shades Pep?

 

Damn he’s hot! Smooth too- Not a muppet for the children…but a muppet for the ladies.

Ow Ow!

 

 

 

 

 

Finally- we’ve come to the end of our evolutionary timeline to the Shramp we know and love:

POPCORN Shrimp

I’ll say it again, Popcorn Shrimp. Do these morsels need an intro? Must I define the crispy-golden outside with the streamy soft innards?

 

This concludes PANTSUIT’S lesson on The Evolution of the Shrimp: An Arthropod’s Tail.

Tune in next time for:

What Makes a Slumber Party a Party: A Dissection of an American Teenage Overnight Gathering.

  • Doris Montgomery

    This is the kind of content that gets u more shrimp

    • PANTSUIT

      There will be a Christmas this year after all!

  • LeMonjello

    I was going to make some smart-ass comment about a shrimp you missed, but I can’t, you’ve got it all covered.

    • PANTSUIT

      The only prawns that matter are above! 🙂

  • lobster man

    Here I was thinking shrimp were either popped or in cocktails. What a creature. Thanks for the info.

    • PANTSUIT

      We’re you aware Lobo that your avatar is actually a Mantis Shrimp? Not a lobster?

      • lobster man

        I’m pretty sure a mantis shrimp falls into the mantis family. But they transcend that noise anyway.

        • PANTSUIT

          My life is a lie

      • Cooolin

        Someone get this guy a podcast. Or should I say …. a prawncast.

  • Cooolin

    This should be required reading for all schoolchildren. Good learnin’ here.

  • Saul Wright

    arthropod

    • PANTSUIT

      Dammit all- what is this Microsoft spell check?!