Does anyone want to switch to Apple Music with me? How about Amazon Music Unlimited? Google Play? Maybe I’ll just steal anything not on bandcamp and buy the rest?

My account just got hacked into tonight. They haven’t done shit. I got a simple email saying “Hey, someone changed your email address to something that is an obviously dumb or fake email address. Hope you did it because we don’t give a flying fuck.” Then I tweeted at their account @spotifycares. They replied, and then were like “Hey we will email you when we feel like it.” And then I asked them lots of questions like “Hey do they have my address and credit card info now?” And I got this: “Thanks for all of the money you gave us since the first fucking day we went live in the United States. Fuck you.”

Yeah, it didn’t actually say that. All of this may even read as a bit of a tipsy temper tantrum from yours truly to make a large corporation look bad, (which, yeah it totally is) but this isn’t entirely a hot take. This the diarrhea icing on the petrified shit cake that Spotify has been baking for us for a long time.

Would Blocland exist without Spotify messages? I wouldn’t be here, at least not in the capacity that I am right now. Sending music to strangers with weird messages was a BLAST! I sincerely miss it. Also, I used to talk to a ton of my college buddies on there too, and some family members as well. I could leave a song and a silly message for someone, and they could see it when they had time, and reply. It was honesty a nice antidote to the “OMG Y U NO REPLY NAOW” culture baked into text messaging and other social media outputs.

And that’s not all. The mobile app is still a flaming pile of dogshit built solely for the purposes of typing “Drake” into the search bar and pressing shuffle play. Finding friends is im-fucking-possible. They’ve let several high profile artists jump ship to other services without even putting up a fight (Drag City is on APPLE FUCKING MUSIC! APPLE! Like, really? Spotify couldn’t have put in an iota of work to get some Harp Chick and Ty Segall on their shit? Jeeeeezus). Zero frills besides the dumb pre-made playlists. Fine, I’ll admit Release Radar is kinda cool, but does anyone else get the feeling that it just caters to a comfort zone a little toooo much?

My question is, why are we still using Spotify? Why do they deserve our money? The service is OK. It works. And I know we here at Blocland really value things that work. But Spotify does not work FOR us. They work for the Playlist as album. They work for 20 song album that should have been a 5 song EP. They work for the curated playlists chock full of #infinitecontent. They work for people who don’t give a fuck about music, but just want to put sounds in their ears and die a  boring digital death. They don’t care.

If they cared, they would have found a way to keep the social aspect intact, even if most casual users ignored them. Maybe they would have promoted them instead of the new fucking Lil Yachty 22-song shit pile. If they cared they wouldn’t commission cheap, bland music for their playlists instead of finding cool shit to expose people to. If they cared they’d have two-factor authentication, because EVERYONE has that shit in 2017.

Fuck Spotify. I am seriously considering switching me and everyone on my family account to CrApple Music tomorrow so I can listen to the Silver Jews and the Banana Hating Harp Chick. I know that means that I will have to communicate my collaborative playlists via text, but I think that’s ok. I’ll probably still keep my free account and play some playlist with 1 second songs constantly so they have to pay for it.

Please discuss, maybe in a more coherent fashion, in the comments. Happy content week y’all! Happy to book my ticket to NotCanada with this here rant. Will be celebrating with some more fun stuff later in the week. 🙂

*Ok I get it people shouldn’t be working round the clock to service whining babies like me who should have changed their password a year or two ago. But they could have at least given me a timeline and a plan instead of just passing me off like that dude who bitched about Radiohead coming on after the Gorillaz album was finished. They got just as much of a reply from Spotify as I did.

  • Padfoot24


    • meat

      but this is a good take.

      • Padfoot24

        that’s my secret, even my bad takes are good takes

  • theyachtmaster

    Well, they’re Swedish

  • lobster man

    Also, Apple puts new releases up at 11 PM on Thursdays. I’ve been thinking about switching over for awhile now. The messaging was the only thing that made me #teamspotify but now I can’t send Bloc tech death tracks. What’s the point?

  • Padfoot24

    Apparently Hispanic hardos love Slipknot and Charlie “The Truth” Puth

  • inthedeadofknight

    I definitely miss the messaging, it was a lot easier to communicate and talk/share music with you guys and my friends/family. No idea why they’d ditch that feature. If it wasn’t for all the time and effort I’ve put into my playlists, and the time and effort it would take to transfer, I probably would do it. Alas, I’m a lazy sumbitch.

    • theyachtmaster

      It’s because as the app is updated, existing features need maintenance, and the expense of keeping messaging updated outweighed the number of people who actually used/valued it. Either that or they’re just dicks.