Attention: I have reserved the break room from 3:45 – 4:30 for my daily nap, as I have not addressed the pile of fan mail on my desk and therefore have no space to rest my weary head.

If you would like a Pepsi Cola, leftover Pizza Hut® breadsticks, or the remnants this morning’s shitty coffee (could ANYONE besides Glenn make our coffee, please), please do so now. You have ten minutes.

Thank you.