Sondre Lerche, Jens Lekman, and Devendra Banhart have been informed by the RIAA that as of March 1, 2017, they will be known simply as Sevondre Lerchman.  The controversial move comes amid confusion among music fans who simply can’t keep them straight, no matter how hard they try.

“I consider myself pretty knowledgable in the world of indie rock, but I’m always getting these guys confused!” said long time music listener, David Harper.   “It’s like the three of them set out to make me look like a fucking noob.”

Mr. Harper is not alone.  Studies show that in 2016, 11,542 people erroneously attributed a song by one of these men, to another one of these men.  A majority of those interviewed, cited “highfalutin, fancy-boy names”, “soothing, melodic voices” and “scarves” as their main sources of confusion.  “Whistling” was also a common complaint, but they may have actually just been thinking of that other guy….what’s his name?  Fuck.

While the idea to combine the three songwriters into one “super-scandinavian” had been floating around for quite some time, nothing ever materialized.  The biggest hurdle for proponents of the plan was the fact that Banhart is from South America and definitely not from Scandinavia. Late last year, however, the idea began to gain traction again with industry leaders.

Charles Leahy, Executive VP of Marketing for the Recording Industry Association of America explains, “I was at a party last Christmas and “Sleep on Needles” came on.  The girl I was talking to said she loved the song and asked, ‘This is Jens Lekman, right?’  I took a long, smooth sip of my IPA and said, ‘Nah, it’s Devendra Banhart.  He’s fantastic.’  At that point, a bearded man who had been listening to our conversation leaned over and said, through a smug fucking grin, ‘Um, actually, this is Sondre Lerche’.   I fucking knew it was Sondre Lerche, but at that point, it was…it was too late.”

Changes to the artists’ streaming service homepages will be made after a ten day grace period, at which point users can find them by typing “Copenhagen” into their search bars.

 

 

  • Ryan Gregson

    Great writing meat! But the Andrew Bird pic hurt my feelings.

  • Doris Montgomery

    this is the content that’ll get us clicks

  • raptor jesus

    “It’s like the three of them set out to make me look like a fucking noob.”

    I’m guessing attendance at n00b school is still high Doris?

    • Doris Montgomery

      we’re are making a killing on tuition. turns out n00bs have rich parents.

  • DFrye

    Sondre Lerche aka Sour Milk Guy.

  • Blochead4real

    Devendra Obi Banhart (born May 30, 1981) is a Venezuelan American singer-songwriter and visual artist

  • Cooolin

    Finally!

    But honestly, how fantastic is the new Jens Lekman? Fantastic, very fantastic, or extremely fantastic?

    • Saul_Wright

      Fan-fuckin-tastic.