Man, I thought metal was confounding. But as I look at lo-fi, noise pop, emo, slowcore, post-rock, math rock, chillwave, witch-house, vapourwave, and SO many more sub-genres of indie rock I just get absolutely bogged down in terminology. What’s the difference between vapourwave and chillwave? Might as well asked me to delineate between a Belgian Golden and a Belgian Trepple, amirite?!?!?! There’s so much crossover that sometimes those seemingly minor distinctions don’t seem to really rate an entire new sub genre.

So today it hit me. Let’s start over. What we need here is a baseline. Not a bassline, you fucking four string dorks. I mean a point of demarcation. But to do that we would need to go back in time and find that magical point that all indie music well-sprung from. I can feel you reading between the lines here, dear reader!!! OF COURSE I’m talking about twee!!

If you think of the system we have now as the classic American system of inches, feet, yards, etc and my NEW system of twee classification as metric you’ll see how much this makes sense. All sub-genres will now carry the Twee designation. IE: Twee is “Twee” Something like Jens Lekman would be “Smarty-Twee” But lest you think this new system is limited to music that is limited to twee itself and music similar to twee let me present you with some new sub-genres you hadn’t thought of yet. You like White Reaper? Of course you do. But what is that? Garage? Punk? Be confused no more!! Welcome to “Camaro-Twee” You metal cro-mags are prolly thinking “This stupid system can’t possibly help clean up the universe of sub genres that exist in our genre!” WRONG. You say you like Primitive Man? What the hell kind of music is that anyway? Is that supposed to be Doom? Black metal? Oh sure you metal neanderthals will jam it into some box and claim you’ve classified it. But I think we all know you are lost and are grasping at straws. “Outermost-Twee” has your back. BOOM. Classified.

I’ve curated a small playlist for you to help. All of these acts exist as various sub-genres of twee. Keep this new system in mind when listening and each and every song/band will obviously fit very precisely into a very distinct twee sub genre. The revolution will be televised. On Blocland.com

  • DFrye

    Blackened doom. BOOM. But I don’t care. The music is what counts.

    What in the ever-loving Christ-punching hell are you talking about??

    • Cooolin

      Charred-twee

      • DFrye

        Lolz

  • Cooolin

    Goddammit, bloc.

    • Blochead4real

      Sacrilege-twee. I like it.

  • Doris Montgomery

    Twee. Misspellings. No attached Spotify playlist. You must really want to go to Canada

    • Doris Montgomery

      What’s a Belgian trepple

      • Blochead4real

        I swear I added the Twee playlist. Dammit. Added now.

        • DFrye

          Shit that’s a good playlist. I’m annoyed by how easily I’m appeased.

          • Blochead4real

            As you look at that playlist keep in mind ALL of those songs are TWEE

  • meat

    this list was made by a serial killer

    • Blochead4real

      talkingheads-twee

  • alteph.

    I too was confused by the distinction between vapourwave and chillwave, but thanks to vapour-twee and chill-twee, I finally understand!!

    • Blochead4real

      THANKS!!!!!

    • Cooolin

      Haha … good to see you back, alteph!

      • alteph.

        Good to be back!

  • theyachtmaster

    This article is Stupid-Twee